Made of Water

2023 started with my scientific dive training course, a requirement to conduct research and work in diving in the United States. Some courses are once a week and spread out over the course of months. Mine was delightfully condensed into 2 weeks of early mornings, late nights, and unpredictable weather - of which the hour-by-hour decisions made days seem even longer.

Before leaving for the holidays I wanted to do at least one shore dive to test out my new 7mm wetsuit and get used to the feeling of diving with gloves, a hood, and being submerged in sub-80 degree Fahrenheit waters.

After a few days of the scientific diving course, I almost thought I was adjusting to the temperatures and then a deep dive reminded me I am still meant to be a tropical diver. There were some mornings I put my head underwater to descend and felt an oncoming brain freeze... not to be dramatic, but rather to make the point that it caused me to reflect on the quality of diving I was getting myself into. In those initial shock moments, in the low visibility and the high surge, I could understand why people panic and rush to the surface, forgetting all training or become less aware buddies because of own self preservation.

Which brings me to the point of trainings like these. To have everything so deeply ingrained and so routine that it becomes the natural response when something goes wrong. But nothing quite prepares you for emergencies. The stories I heard over the last two weeks reminded me that many divers, including myself, frequently fall complacent in the security of diving being a safe sport.

And while it is, there are inherent risks present each and every time we enter the water. I feel fortunate I haven't witnessed or experienced serious mishaps or emergencies but I have been reflecting since about my role as a diver and how I can be a better diver for myself and my buddies.

On a more meta note, it was a reminder that beyond scuba, many of us get complacent in our day to day lives. The comfort and familiarity of getting into our cars, biking without helmets, hiking without buddies. It becomes routine, which creates an illusion of safety. And while all these activities may in fact be safe when every guideline is obeyed, what happens when something goes awry. Again, not to be dramatic, but to remind ourselves not to be complacent with safety and not to fall complacent in the daily monotony of our work and life.

Back to diving, though...

In the midst of injuries, uncomfortable diving conditions, adjusting to new gear, and diving with new buddies, I was powerfully reminded that this is exactly what I want to be doing. A friend of mine recently completed a Discovery Scuba Dive experience and messaged me about how incredible her first experience underwater was... admittedly, she was lucky to have a dive with seahorses and squid, but I could empathize with her excitement. But in that message, I realized it is nearly impossible to capture the addiction of being underwater in words.

No amount of exclamation points or descriptive adjectives can properly convey the feeling of taking your first few breaths underwater or mentally challenging yourself to find peace as you feel the contractions on a freedive but don't yet want to leave the blue world that swallows you.

For me, it is the shared understanding of the privilege to temporarily witness another world juxtaposed with the vastly different experiences we each have underwater all while appreciating how present we must be knowing we have to inevitably surface back to land.

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My goals for this year are to write more, to share more, to edit less, and to create space for creativity. I struggle with all the things I want to do and want to experience and be part of and all the work I want to contribute to and share with others... how to balance it, choose between things, and sit with decision. I simultaneously feel enraptured by the complex beauty of the ocean and crippled by the fear that I am not doing enough or that I will not be able to sustain this dream. And it is motivating and terrifying. So my final goal for now is to dissect the nuances of my current career path and explore where I hope to be.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far :)